I don't feel I am loved because you do make me feel I am your mistake.
May be because your weak to stand for the things that you'll be needing in your life. Or because I do feel but am afraid to tell you and loss you. Or worth's you don't realize what you really want.
Difference of Business third party relationship to Love affair - third party. Business third party relationship always stand as legal and mutual give and take relationship. Its salvaging trust in the name of financial earning. Do's and don't must always exist that bond with a contract. After heated conversation, improper representation and financial damage relationship will be split and voided.
Love affair - third party always hide. Its a shadow that always interpreted as an error. Usually strong relationship dispose third party once found. Its because third party represent as an outlet purpose only. An outlet that vacuum all negative vibes and turn it to marry moments. Once outlet is not needed, they need to step back hide and wait till they are needed. Its an illegal bond no contract and once found dignity will be at risk.
How to shift love affair to a business purpose to legal existence. It might be, by being strong to gave space to partner who has partner to legally separate from each other. And to recreate relationship like a business partner having a mutual effort. Till both of you bond with out any party attach. I think that is a great plan. And Ill gonna try this crazy idea I have, because I am fucking idiot with my situation.
Life would always be the best Science project. Your existance will always depend on how you act for things. Choose right or left, loads would only be determine once your on the spot. There is always risk but trying will tell you how far you are from the first step.
As of this hour I want to break my shell. I want to walk as far as I could see. I wanna be ready. Its tiring that I could reapite same thing always but nothing is moving forward. I want to be breave as I can to show you how far I can go and to encourage you to take your first step to stand. I am weak and your weak. I can not hide till I die I can not borrow time on convinience because I need atleast on my darkess days. Right now I wanna cry because of this weakness I am feeling. I did this to my self, I wanna prove to my fucking mind that I am not wrong I am just following my soft heart. Even you choose to turn back on me in the end. Atleast I know I try hard.
Right now, here seating waiting for my temper glass to get scratch. Pulling my Facebook update brows till it shows loading at the most older news feeds.
Earphones on my ear sounds pass by thinking for an epic fail. Am I epic fail, yah I am. Imagining my looks right now my aura and everything. My silence keeps my mind from thinking over and over again. A totally different feeling.
Well I do want still to submit my plan VL for her birthday. But Ill deduct days because do not expect to be with her on that day. I jut want to celebrate her birthday on our dating spot.
So where do broken heart goes? It simply kept on returning back to a memory. Keeps on mumbling for a think might be impossible to came true. One thing possibly could happen. Other broken heart might be writing right now and releasing words can not spoken by sounds.
Years ago, She said happy ending does not exist. I answered "It does exist".
She was not yet married at that day still on schooling. But at that very moment she do know that she will be getting in marriage. I don't have any idea that she will, the only thing I know is I feel comfortable on her side.
Days and months past by I was terrified on her presence. Her existence grab me out. I am totally in love with her knowing.
She is honest with me informing me that she will be bond in a marriage for the following weeks. I cried thinking I do loss the person I am looking. Days goes till her wedding day. I got hook with Wedding dress song by Tae Yang. An asian singer. Song lyrics make me in tears.
I need to go on, I have too. She invite me to came I told her I can see her on that day. She ask me if she could create her own bouquet. I answered yes because she is good on flowers, but she change mind because husband side is fun of rejecting.
Before her wedding day, I ask her if she is positive that its with in her will to enter marriage at the young age. She answered me with a brave YES- but a weak point of contradicting her yes with the real reason behind that marriage.
Now is my present Time: July 30, 2016, And that lady is still on my head. Do happy ending exist? It is a simple Yes. When I reach my gray days and check back with this notes. Ill tell you if it does exist :) because every second counts every minute every hour there's a big change. Who knows?
Yesterday around 8:07am, I gave her a call. Lucky she answered having few words "Why?" before I reach the last letter of my own word call got disconnected.
I think deeply I felt something that I can not even explained. I walk going to public transportation stop suddenly I remember I left my money at my desk. I walk back for 5minutes returning to the office. I look at my phone. "Im sorry" is the words pop up on my phone. I choose to hide my phone and think for thoughts I don't even analyze. Finally I was at the 4th floor and get my money. I decided to take shuttle at 2nd floor. while seating at the waiting area My playful eyes look for messages at my phone.
Another message came inn. And bang, everything sink in on my head. Finally I understand the things keeps on revolving on my head few minutes ago.
She needs to give me up. I need to let her go. Why? I don't know! Damn it, of course I know I have to be fare. Do I need to get mad? No, I don't. My reason is simple, She choose to stay with the right person.
I am not that person because I am her third party. Do I need to be sorry on what I've done? I am not, because I have human emotion. I love a lady wearing ring on her finger. I was sorry to my self that I can not fight back because I can not take her. But I do know I do the right thing respecting her decision to stay with the right one.
I do feel broken right now. I keep my self to be okay but still my workmate ask me many time earlier if I am okay. I think its been 4different person ask me if I'm okay. I am totally okay letting her go with her life safe and sound with out my troubles.
Loving someone that is already committed
People mind set is playing with two side going to the right or flipping turning to the left. We always think its only between YES or NO as simple as Go and let go. But there is always exception.
Loving a person that was not label under yours. Like someone's wife, husband, girlfriend and boyfriend. If we will be getting opinions major point that will smash the idea is religion and society standard.
On my understanding, no one is ready until you use that shoe and be on that spot. Same through with loving different person other than your partner. You'll never understand until you feel shifting of emotion. The gravity of how you love your partner can change till you realize that it changed. Till you found other person that will turn your world upside down. Because affection might change depending on how both of you cared for relationship.
Mistake might be mistake but we learn from mistake. It teach us to wait for the right timing, to be strong and meet the strong person who will stay. Not because your holding a marriage contract meaning your lock. Not because mistress was given attention she have to break a family.
Bond might be broken if not handled with care. But moving on is free to a new chapter. Too a new beginning that you might feel much you deserve, much gave all peace of mind.
Move on and let go- to make you happy -to make them happy - Love is free
